hi, i am elsa.
i help people heal through stories.by telling stories.
in a nutshell
a short story
i wake up before 5am, and go bed before 9pm. i want do my own projects before the day kicks in.
i work 4-days a week as a junior developer in a bank.
since december 2020 i work mostly from home office. but when i don’t then…
i cycle to work, no matter the weather. rain. wind. snow. i don’t care. deadly cold, or bloody hot. i don’t care. i need the ride more than it needs me. it relaxes my mind, heart, and body.
i listen to audio – books or music – while i cycle anywhere. sometimes, i listen to podcasts. some days i just listen to the beat of my own heart, or dial all the way in on how i feel.
since august i’ve started my days with words on repeat…
i am filled with unlimited value. i’ve done nothing wrong. i deserve the utmost care and love.
yeah, that’s hyper spiritual. whatever works, hey?
this is my open-eye meditation.
also, i read a lot. mostly, memoir and knowledge share books that help me in becoming a better writer.
but mostly (it’s a phase of some sorts) i educate myself about electromagnetic fields nonstop, and i’ve changed many of my habits the day i began. no more bluetooth and wifi, only wires is an easy example.
writing… hmm. i haven’t done it for months.
and it’s the best choice ever.
i felt that writing was a trophy i chased. i didn’t like the journey no more. so, i embarked on a renewed journey to feel good in my body just as i am. just who i am. no titles. no achievements. just enjoy myself as i am.
i am filled with unlimited value. i’ve done nothing wrong. i deserve the utmost care and love. and, i have gifts to give, first and foremost, to myself, and also to people i come across with.
but that said, writing still calls me.
let’s see what comes.
there’s one important thing i forgot to mention. i don’t just cycled, i also walk a lot. i’ve tackled hills, climbed through dirt, gobbled berries, smelled plants, and watched stars at night while i hike through places in estonia.
also, during estonian’s winter, i’ve pushed myself through snow. that’s fun. and fucking slow. but brings the biggest smiles until my hands stay warm.
i fucking love it.
and to be honest.
in 2020, i balled my eyes red and watered my cheeks clean. and i’ve come out stronger as never before. life has some crazy shit. twisted ways to get me back on the track towards where my soul desires to go.
i’ve come to believe (but sometimes refuse to admit) that in order to be who i was born to become, life couldn’t have happened any other way.
i am loved.
we are loved.
i devour books. i love words that inspire action. that boost my creativity. that offer relaxation. that challenge and shape my ethics and my values.
i am very selective when i pick my books because…
i read in snails speed. my grandma read a book in a day. if lucky, when i really invest time, i read 3 books a month, usually i read a book in month. what a contrast.
some books i have loved:
- The Non-Tinfoil Guide to EMFs: How to Fix Our Stupid Use of Technology by Nicolas Pineault
- EMF*D: 5G, Wi-Fi & Cell Phones: Hidden Harms and How to Protect Yourself by Joseph Mercola – hmm, loved would be overstated with this. it’s more like, opened up my eyes the most. but heck, it’s too scientific. my brain crashed often.
- Never Lose a Customer Again by Joey Coleman
- Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action by Simon Sinek
- I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
- my bible collection:
- Whatever Arises Love That by Matt Kahn
- Everything is Here to Help YOU by Matt Kahn
- The Universe Always Has a Plan: The 10 Golden Rules of Letting Go by Matt Kahn
- The Art of a Memoir by Mary Karr
- Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins
- Anything You Want by Derek Sivers
there’s a lot more. check out my Goodreads account if that floats your boat. i try to keep it updated.
i am single.
i have incredible friends, some twenty, or so, and a few really-really close ones, and they are all scattered around the world.
i have been through crazy partnerships. last ended with disrespect in july 2020, and sadly we departed ways for good.
i’ve loved deeply-madly-and-completely. i’ve gone all in, every-single-time. i’ve clinged, too. yeah, no shame! and i’ve felt all sorts of ways. i’ve gone through extreme highs and infinite lows. i’ve flown in space and drowned in dirt. and i’ve gone from love to hate, then back to love.
i can’t even count how many times.
but each relationship has opened me up in new unknown ways which i never knew is possible for me. i am the kind of person who wants to be and stay in good terms with all the people who’ve played the strings of my heart, but i’ve learned, it’s not always possible. so, i am learning to become okay with life’s way of things.
i don’t like pain but i cherish pain.
i guess, my lifelong wish is…
- i want to be the best friend to myself who i never had
- i want to be the parent to myself who i never had
- i want to be the lover to myself who i never had
and for me, it starts with loving the unloved parts of myself. not liking the dislikes. just loving the one who dislikes.
and i . . .
breathe. deep. slow. patient. love.
who am i following
there’s more but here’s the golden club:
- Matt Kahn – my love revolution guy (currently following only Matt, and no one else)
- Basecamp – my transparent & authentic business haven
- Dense Discovery — best quick things from tech
- Paul Jarvis — a guy who helps me do more with less
- Tucker Max – my source to stick to writing the memoir
ps. in july 2021 i joined hey.com and since then i have barely read any newsletters. they are nicely hidden, and i have found, i don’t even need them. but it’s nice to know that i have them in my feed whenever i feel like reading them.
sometimes i write poems. i call them whatever’s.
here’s one i wrote in january 2018.
what comes comes anyways.
why ‘what’ comes is what I need.
when ‘why’ comes is divinely timed in me.
i will become aware of it, to feel it.
i will feel it, to transform it.
i will transform it, to be it.
and i will survived it, to live it.
if it’s not written, chances are, it’s not for public.