hi, i am elsa.
i help people heal through stories.by telling stories.
a short story
i try to wake up before 5am, and go bed before 9pm. then i get to do my things before others wake up, and another unexpected day kicks in.
i work 4-days a week as a junior developer in a bank.
i cycle to work with any weather. rain. wind. snow. i don’t care. deadly cold, or bloody hot. i don’t care. i need the ride more than it needs me. it relaxes my mind, heart, and body.
i listen to music, or books while i cycle to work, to friends, to wherever. sometimes, i listen to podcasts, too. i then, at some days, i just listen to the beat of my own heart, and i am there for my thoughts and feelings.
since august i’ve started my days with words on repeat…
i am filled with unlimited value. i’ve done nothing wrong. i deserve the utmost care and love.
i say them when i wake up. i say them when i go to bed. i say them during daytime whenever i get (more likely, make) a spare moment.
this is my open-eye meditation.
also, i read a lot. mostly, memoir and knowledge share books that help me in becoming a better writer.
yeah, this brings me to the writing… lately, i haven’t done much of that.
i felt that writing was a trophy i chased. i didn’t like the journey no more. so, i embarked on a renewed journey to feel good in my body just as i am. just who i am. no titles. no achievements. just enjoy myself as i am.
i am filled with unlimited value. i’ve done nothing wrong. i deserve the utmost care and love. and, i have gifts to give, first and foremost, to myself, and also to people i come across with.
but that said, writing calls me each day. i am taking my time. i am not rushing in.
i am even looking into dictation… yeah, voice to text options. it might help me to relax my editor and critic inside who usually take control when i click keyboard.
there’s on important thing i forgot to mention. i don’t just cycled, i also walk a lot. i’ve tackled hills, climbed through dirt, gobbled berries, smelled plants, and watched stars at night while i hike through places in estonia.
i fucking love it.
and to be honest.
since june, i have balled my eyes red and watered my cheeks clean. my recent heartbreak took me back to zero-point, and it hammered my heart good. some days, i still go through episodes of cry-me-a-river while i am in the midst of integrating a wisdom…
in order to be who i was born to become, life couldn’t have happened any other way.
i am loved.
i devour books. i love words that inspire action. that boost my creativity. that offer relaxation. that challenge and shape my ethics and my values.
i am very selective when i pick my books because…
i read in snails speed. my grandma read a book in a day. if lucky, when i really invest time, i read 3 books a month, usually i read a book in month. what a contrast.
some books i have loved:
- Never Lose a Customer Again by Joey Coleman
- Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action by Simon Sinek
- I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
- my bible collection:
- Whatever Arises Love That by Matt Kahn
- Everything is Here to Help YOU by Matt Kahn
- The Universe Always Has a Plan: The 10 Golden Rules of Letting Go by Matt Kahn
- The Art of a Memoir by Mary Karr
- Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins
- Anything You Want by Derek Sivers
there’s a lot more. check out my Goodreads account if that floats your boat. i try to keep it updated.
i am single.
i have incredible friends, some twenty, or so, and a few really-really close ones, and they are all scattered around the world.
i have been through crazy partnerships. last ended with disrespect in july 2020, and sadly we departed ways for good.
i’ve loved deeply-madly-and-completely. i’ve gone all in, every-single-time. and i’ve felt all sorts of ways. i’ve gone through the extreme highs and the infinite lows. i’ve flown in space and died in dirt. and i’ve gone from love to hate, and back to love.
each relationship has opened me up in new unknown ways which i never knew is possible for me. i am the kind of person who wants to be and stay in good terms with all the people who’ve played the strings of my heart, but i’ve learned, it’s not always possible. so, i am learning to become okay with life’s way of things.
i don’t like pain but i cherish pain.
i guess, my lifelong wish is…
- i want to be the best friend to myself who i never had
- i want to be the parent to myself who i never had
- i want to be the lover to myself who i never had
and for me, it starts with loving the unloved parts of myself. not liking the dislikes. just loving the one who dislikes.
and i . . .
breathe. deep. slow. patient. love.
who am i following
there’s more but here’s the golden club:
- Matt Kahn – my love revolution guy
- Honey Copy by Cole Schafer – in his words, “Words that read like poetry and sell like Ogilvy.”
- Basecamp – my transparent & authentic business haven
- Dense Discovery — best quick things from tech
- Paul Jarvis — a guy who helps me do more with less
- Tucker Max – my source to stick to writing the memoir
ps. in july i joined hey.com and since then i have barely read any newsletters. they are nicely hidden, and i have found, i don’t even need them. but it’s nice to know that i have them in my feed whenever i feel like reading them.
sometimes i write poems. i call them whatever’s.
here’s one i wrote in january 2018.
what comes comes anyways.
why ‘what’ comes is what I need.
when ‘why’ comes is divinely timed in me.
i will become aware of it, to feel it.
i will feel it, to transform it.
i will transform it, to be it.
and i will survived it, to live it.
if it’s not written, chances are, it’s not for public.